Monday, November 17, 2003
So - I've moved my site. Yes, very exciting news. Check it out and change your bookmarks:
ootd.illcode.org
Thanks to illcode for hosting me and glenn for setting up the page. Hopefully the old entries will find their way onto the new site soon. Let me know what you think of it...
Thanks to illcode for hosting me and glenn for setting up the page. Hopefully the old entries will find their way onto the new site soon. Let me know what you think of it...
Friday, November 14, 2003
If chocolate is poison to dogs - why are there chocolate flavored bones? It's like having arsenic flavored candy.
Thursday, November 13, 2003
Exactly how many types of malaises are there if you have to qualify one as a "general" malaise?
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
I didn't see it, but John Kerry rode onto Jay Leno's show on a Harley. The mere thought is disturbing. I mean, with Kerry's haircut, isn't a motorcycle helmet just redundant?
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
I don't know what I find more ridiculous - the fact that there is LIVE chess on ESPN2 right now, or the fact that I'm watching it...
Monday, November 10, 2003
Tony Danza is getting a daytime talk show. Let that soak in for a minute... Let's hope he never had Sylvester Stallone on, or it will be 10 straight minutes of incomprehensible grunts.
Friday, November 07, 2003
You know - I really don't think there are that many people questioning the allegiances of the Lord. In other words: Take off your "God is Good" bumper sticker, please.
Thursday, November 06, 2003
I think I'd like to work for the US Mint. It seems like all they do is think about how to make money look different - not that anyone cares...
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
I don't know why this yahoo! headline tickles me so much, but it does: "Traffic-signal change device threatens chaos."
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
People should have the common courtesy to not bring food to lectures... especially when it smells really good.
Monday, November 03, 2003
Do British people walk on the left side of the sidewalk?
Friday, October 31, 2003
You know what's not cool? Hiding in the elevators on Halloween, dressed completely in black - including boots, gloves, hooded sweatshirt, and faceless mask.
Thursday, October 30, 2003
Sometimes I question whether or not Rick Springfield really did wish that he had Jesse's girl.
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Why do you only see commercials for cable tv services on cable stations? That hardly seems like the best way to get new subscribers.
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
Is it wrong that I took pleasure in catching the guy in the car behind me picking his nose in my rear-view mirror?
Monday, October 27, 2003
If my internet connection doesn't start behaving, I think I'm going to bash in my monitor with the bloody carcass of my cable modem...
Friday, October 24, 2003
Apparently God isn't taking a liking to Mel Gibson's new movie about Jesus, or perhaps just his casting choices... The actor who's playing Jesus was struck by lightening during filming.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
I love new windshield wipers!
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
If you were battered by... *ahem*... Liza Minelli, would you really want the publicity of a 10 million dollar lawsuit?
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
How the hell do Labybugs get into my room? Good luck or not, those ten little buggers on my ceiling are gettin' smooshed...
Monday, October 20, 2003
It seems like only the craziest of people defend themselves in court...
Friday, October 17, 2003
If I ever own a barber shop, I think I would run it like a triage instead of first-come-first-served.
Thursday, October 16, 2003
What's up with the term "attorney at law?" It makes no sense... There are no "doctors at medicine" or "pilots at flight."
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Is there anymore disgusting subsect of the human race than the Yankee's fan?
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
Getting delayed by car accidents is unacceptable when I'm trying to get home to watch playoff baseball...
Monday, October 13, 2003
Why do we care so much about sports? It really makes no logical sense...
Friday, October 10, 2003
Can you get any lower than protesting the Nobel prize because you didn't win?
Thursday, October 09, 2003
I wish Jesse Ventura were still governor of Minnesota so there could be a Predator reunion at the national governor's meeting.
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
Who doesn't love a good gong?
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
Have you ever looked at someone and thought: "I bet their mother is ugly."
Monday, October 06, 2003
There's nothing like an 80 degree lecture hall to put everyone to sleep...
Friday, October 03, 2003
Thank god for tvguide.com. Where else can you find such socially important articles like: "Is Jessica Simpson Really Dumb?"
Thursday, October 02, 2003
It didn't take Rush Limbaugh long to wear out his welcome...
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
October confuses me - shouldn't it be the eighth month?
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
I think the news media horribly underuses the word "malfeasance."
Monday, September 29, 2003
The oldest man in the world died today at 117. That's sad. Not because he died, but because he lived that long.
Friday, September 26, 2003
I fear for my sanity. I kicked ass in bowling class today... and I liked it.
Thursday, September 25, 2003
I don't know why, but John Mayer fills me with rage.
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
There's not much worse than having a mouth-breather sit behind you during a lecture.
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
Is there anything more self serving than those hollywood awards shows?
Monday, September 22, 2003
A good sign that you're dorky enough to go to engineering school: You recognize, and get excited by the fact that all the computers in one of the labs are named after x-men.
Friday, September 19, 2003
I miss the random french lyrics that artists were obsessed with putting in their songs in the 80s.
Thursday, September 18, 2003
What, exactly, is the point of a career fair if no one there wants to hire people?
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
Yahoo headline today: "Study says monkeys may resent unfairness." Doesn't everyone?
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
I appreciate words that illustrate their meaning, like mellifluous.
Monday, September 15, 2003
14,000 dollars seems a little absurd for plane tickets to Japan, first class or not.
Friday, September 12, 2003
I will never be convinced that flip-flops are appropriate everyday wear.
Thursday, September 11, 2003
God bless that giant billboard featuring Diane Lane. Makes my ride home so much sweeter.
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
Here's an amusing visual: I was driving on the highway and there was a fully inflated rubber shark pool-toy strapped to the top of a minivan. Gusts of air kept getting underneath it, and it looked like the shark was thrashing against its bonds.
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
I just noticed that graduate school is an oxymoron. That must be an omen of some sort.
Monday, September 08, 2003
I've timed my attention span at approximately 20 minutes. Every day in lecture, when I get the urge to check my watch, only 20 minutes have passed. Thank god they're only 50 minutes long.
Friday, September 05, 2003
I've discovered that I always, always get stuck being partnered with the smelly kid.
Thursday, September 04, 2003
Am I supposed to give half a crap that the president of my university is leaving?
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
I'm starting to feel guilty because this site is getting hits from people searching for "clever anecdotes" and I'm really not that clever...
Tuesday, September 02, 2003
How much of a dork am I that I got all emotional when my computer chair broke... That's a rhetorical question by the way.
Friday, August 29, 2003
I don't think we have enough pop songs in German about nuclear weapons these days...
Thursday, August 28, 2003
It's pretty pathetic when a professor encourages his students to attend his office hours because he "gets lonely."
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
Poker tournaments shouldn't make compelling television, and yet somehow they do.
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
I love it when you get random e-mails from Amazon.com telling you that one of your orders has gone down in price. It's like free money!
Monday, August 25, 2003
Oh, summer! Why have you left me so soon? Must I now endure the harsh reality of fall? D'oh!
Friday, August 22, 2003
Was Saturday Night Live ever any good? Will it ever be?
Thursday, August 21, 2003
I have the utmost respect for anyone who works retail, especially at a mall. I think if I were forced to have that much contact with "customers" I would either be fired in a week or arrested for battery or attempted murder.
Wednesday, August 20, 2003
Is there anything quite as amusing as the unintentional comedy that comes from the complete ineptitude of local news broadcasts?
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
How do some movies get made? Do we really need a sequel to Resident Evil?
Monday, August 18, 2003
Pop-up blockers have got to be the greatest invention since the advent of the internet.
Friday, August 15, 2003
I don't think we needed so much coverage of the blackout. Case-in-point: I heard a journalist say that planes were unaffected by the blackout, because they run on their own power.
Thursday, August 14, 2003
I enjoy listening to people with accents. Especially when its a Russian accent, and the person is saying "sugarbush."
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
I think it would be really cool to grow up on a road named Sesame Street. There must be some out there...
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
I don't think it speaks well for the people of California that someone with no political background is leading the polls because he is simply a likable celebrity. The whole debacle is really, really funny for the rest of the country though.
Monday, August 11, 2003
I think they should consider changing the term "popular music" on Amazon. After all, Journey can be found there...
Friday, August 08, 2003
I don't think that there's too much funnier than suburban white kids who try to talk all "gangsta"-like.
Thursday, August 07, 2003
Here's a bit of advice for everyone - You should really keep your stinky, sweaty feet in your swampy shoes when out in public.
Wednesday, August 06, 2003
I think Kobe Bryant should hurry up and settle his case. It's inevitable anyway, whether he's guilty or not... and frankly, I'm just sick of hearing about the whole thing.
Tuesday, August 05, 2003
A judge has sealed topless photos of Cameron Diaz. I take back everything bad I ever said about appellate courts.
Monday, August 04, 2003
Gigli has brought me so much pleasure. I haven't seen the god awful movie, but just reading the reviews has made me laugh out loud.
Friday, August 01, 2003
If I ever have a son, I think I'll name him Ichabod, just so he always knows who's boss.
Thursday, July 31, 2003
After 21 years of life, there is only one thing that I know about myself. One universal constant that I no will never change. Something so absolute and clear, that it can never be doubted... I'm a soul man.
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
What's the deal with the term "sub-par." If you're sub par, aren't you below par? And isn't the point of golf to be below par?
Tuesday, July 29, 2003
I find it very creepy when music artists record their own backup vocals.
Monday, July 28, 2003
I just can't believe that there is a huge demand for horse racing movies. Seabiscuit looks tremendously boring - regardless of the good reviews.
Friday, July 25, 2003
Do you think Bono has found what he was looking for yet?
Thursday, July 24, 2003
You know it has been a long day when you try to start your car with your house key.
Wednesday, July 23, 2003
I have a new theory. I think there is some physiological reaction to not having the use of your hands. Whether they're covered in gloves, stuck performing an important task, or simply dirty, it is inevitable that the rest of your body will begin to itch when you can't use your hands. I'm proposing some research in this area. There must be an answer...
Tuesday, July 22, 2003
With the way genetic engineering is progressing these days, I think I'm going to avoid using the phrase "when pigs fly." You just never know.
Monday, July 21, 2003
I am so easily amused sometimes it is downright sad. I've recently discovered I have a fascination for centrifuges. They spin... fast.
Friday, July 18, 2003
The complicated diplomatic balance that exits between the US and France can essentially be compared to that of a relationship between two siblings. They bicker and bicker... and bicker some more. Now France has banned the use of the term "e-mail" because its too American for them. They've created their own french word for e-mail (courriel).... Are you kidding me? I'm just speechless. Grow up.
Thursday, July 17, 2003
Is anyone else uncomfortable with the term "diplomatic relations?" It sounds like a euphamism for make-up sex.
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
It's a good day when the salad bar at work has hard boiled eggs.
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
How come Rush Limbaugh gets to be on NFL countdown next season? If they were looking for fat, pumpkin headed windbags - why didn't they call me? I so want to be on NFL countdown!
... And all apologies to Deion Sanders - he actually won his case in court. I told you it could be possible that Jesus could take an interest in Deion Sander's car maintenance.
Monday, July 14, 2003
Did you hear the latest about Deion Sanders? He only paid a fraction of a car repair bill because Jesus told him that was enough money to pay. For Deion's sake, I really hope he went to another mechanic, a spanish fellow by the name of Jesus (Hay-Zoos), and got some different pricing. If that isn't the case, I shudder to think about Deion's mental state... Or maybe Jesus really does take an interest in Deion's car maintenance... It could be possible...
Friday, July 11, 2003
When I get a house I want to have a mezzanine. Not because I want a mezzanine, I just want to be able to say things like: "Shall we adjourn to the mezzanine for a snifter of cognac?" or "Have you seen the view from the mezzanine? It's spectacular." That would be fun...
Thursday, July 10, 2003
I heard three songs in a row by Boston on the radio today and not a single one of them was "More than a Feeling." Who even knew Boston had four songs?
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
Can a place of business be both closed up and shut down? It seems like it shouldn't be possible, but they mean the same exact thing... hmm... Makes my brain hurt.
Parking Update: So I was positive this morning that I had my crooked parking issue corrected, but alas... perhaps more crooked than ever before.
Tuesday, July 08, 2003
For some reason I cannot park straight in the garage at work. Every morning, without fail, my car is crooked. I've determined that whoever painted the lines screwed up and they're not perpendicular to the wall. At least that's what I'm deluding myself into believing...
Monday, July 07, 2003
When I grow up, I think I want to be Robert Palmer. But now it strikes me - how many people remember Robert Palmer? Or knew who he was in the first place? That make's me sad...
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